the fog

I'm the "J" in J & K.

I'm not as cheerful or even-keeled about mothering my mom as K. As it turns out I'm sort of neurotic and full of self-loathing or self-pity (it's a thin line that separates the two I guess).

The good news though it that after reading my entries, fellow bloggers may feel absolutely saint-like by comparison.

My 75 year old mom and her little dog came to live with my new husband and I this March. She had been in a skilled nursing facility for almost four months after suffering a nasty fall in which she broke her femur bone and shoulder so now, in addition to two knee replacements she had a while back that never stopped hurting and left one knee virutally unbendable, my mom has a rod in her femur and a partial shoulder replacement. My mom also has quite severe arthritis and stenosis.

Compounding the pain, or maybe resulting from the pain - I don't know- my mom is very depressed and has a loss of cognitive functioning (dementia?) that sometimes makes me cry inside because she is so child-like, vulnerable, and sweet and other times makes me cry inside because she is kind of nasty or paranoid or passive aggressive.

The cognitive decline went overlooked for at least 4 years. It was easier to close my eyes to it and tell myself that my mom was just fiercly independent and stubborn.

So the question is: how can my mother and I find our way through this fog that has descended on our lives and regain a sense of peace and normalcy?