I just threw it away today. The 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle with 999 pieces. I wonder if I had counted them before we started, would I still have started? Well, that is probably pointless mind-wandering because I was the follower and mom was the leader. I didn't start it - she did. My mom loves puzzles - crossword puzzles, jigsaw puzzles, sudoku and other such wastes of good productive time.
It was a rainy Friday evening and we were looking for something to do together. She has a stash of jigsaw puzzles, gifts from children and grandchildren, each one with a story about who gave it, when it was given and how easy or hard it was to assemble. But there was that one box, rather oddly shaped as an oblong octagon. It had a foreboding picture of little vignettes of Bible stories, woven together with water and sky and sand and dessert sand dunes. I know, it sounds weird - it IS weird. It was unopened, standing on end, the seal just waiting to be broken.
"Mom, why have you never done that puzzle?" I so foolishly asked.
“Do you see how many pieces it has?” Mom said with a flirtatious challenge to her voice.
"Shoot we could do that together - no problem." Said I with 5th grade confidence; the only one in the room who had not done a puzzle since 5th grade.
So we cleared the dining room table after supper and by 2:00 a.m. we finally hit the sack – the border complete. Saturday, I learned why I never do puzzles. They are just one more task that MUST be done, no matter what it takes. By noon, still in our jammies, we had another four hours of grueling puzzling under our belts. We were partners – working tirelessly side-by-side, organizing by color and shape, testing, trying and cheering each other’s victories. What a team!
Time stood still, as my husband began to wonder what was for dinner, was I going to do laundry, clean the house, go to the grocery store, get dressed! Thank goodness for frozen pizzas.
My back hurt, my eyes were burning, but I wasn’t going to quit until the task was done. I found out my mom dated my Dad’s best army buddy once – to spite him no less. She was quite popular in high school, didn’t know that either. I finally told her the truth about the clothes I bought on her credit card, she said she already knew.
By 11:00 p.m. we were exhausted and we discovered there was a missing puzzle piece. I am glad I didn’t know that when we started. I would have missed too much – more than just a piece of a puzzle.
Patiently putting the pieces together - K~
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
the fog
I'm the "J" in J & K.
I'm not as cheerful or even-keeled about mothering my mom as K. As it turns out I'm sort of neurotic and full of self-loathing or self-pity (it's a thin line that separates the two I guess).
The good news though it that after reading my entries, fellow bloggers may feel absolutely saint-like by comparison.
My 75 year old mom and her little dog came to live with my new husband and I this March. She had been in a skilled nursing facility for almost four months after suffering a nasty fall in which she broke her femur bone and shoulder so now, in addition to two knee replacements she had a while back that never stopped hurting and left one knee virutally unbendable, my mom has a rod in her femur and a partial shoulder replacement. My mom also has quite severe arthritis and stenosis.
Compounding the pain, or maybe resulting from the pain - I don't know- my mom is very depressed and has a loss of cognitive functioning (dementia?) that sometimes makes me cry inside because she is so child-like, vulnerable, and sweet and other times makes me cry inside because she is kind of nasty or paranoid or passive aggressive.
The cognitive decline went overlooked for at least 4 years. It was easier to close my eyes to it and tell myself that my mom was just fiercly independent and stubborn.
So the question is: how can my mother and I find our way through this fog that has descended on our lives and regain a sense of peace and normalcy?
I'm not as cheerful or even-keeled about mothering my mom as K. As it turns out I'm sort of neurotic and full of self-loathing or self-pity (it's a thin line that separates the two I guess).
The good news though it that after reading my entries, fellow bloggers may feel absolutely saint-like by comparison.
My 75 year old mom and her little dog came to live with my new husband and I this March. She had been in a skilled nursing facility for almost four months after suffering a nasty fall in which she broke her femur bone and shoulder so now, in addition to two knee replacements she had a while back that never stopped hurting and left one knee virutally unbendable, my mom has a rod in her femur and a partial shoulder replacement. My mom also has quite severe arthritis and stenosis.
Compounding the pain, or maybe resulting from the pain - I don't know- my mom is very depressed and has a loss of cognitive functioning (dementia?) that sometimes makes me cry inside because she is so child-like, vulnerable, and sweet and other times makes me cry inside because she is kind of nasty or paranoid or passive aggressive.
The cognitive decline went overlooked for at least 4 years. It was easier to close my eyes to it and tell myself that my mom was just fiercly independent and stubborn.
So the question is: how can my mother and I find our way through this fog that has descended on our lives and regain a sense of peace and normalcy?
Saturday, August 21, 2010
New Furniture
I could start this blog a million ways. But I don't have time. That's not a statement of status but of lifestyle for me. I am K.
My mom moved into my home in March this year. I cried that night because I felt so overwhelmed with desire to make life dignified and independent for her. She had been through a lot with Dad's passing the year before. I suppose I also cried because I was finally finished with 4 months of going through everything in her little mobile home. This arduous task took my every Saturday and two nights a week for those 4 months. I had to do it because I knew what was left after donations and give-aways was moving into my overcrowded small three bedroom patio home.
Her room is as cute as it could be, decorated in soft greens and new furniture and quilt set. With all her favorite decorations that mean so much to her, lovingly placed on shelves, the dressers, and the tv stand by her grandchildren, she fell asleep quickly and happily.
All was well as I reviewed the day on my pillow, until my final twilight thought before my dreadful night of sleep. I realized, it was predictor of my life now.
"Mom, are you ready to look for your bedroom furniture?"
"Why do we need new furniture. The chest of drawers in the garage is perfectly fine."
"Mom, the drawers stick. You cannot pull open the two top drawers. It doesn't match the new headboard."
"I only need the bottom two drawers. I don't think we should spend the money. I can use boxes in the closet"
"Let's set a budget. A dresser, a chest of drawers, a mirror. How about no more than $1000." I felt guilty. The truth is I didn't want her crappy old broken down furniture in my neatly decorated house, albeit overcrowded.
"A $1000 dollars!! That's a down payment on a nice house!"
"No its not - at least not any more. Mom--- I want you to have something new and pretty, and easy to use and something you can be proud of."
"$400."
"$700."
Silence
"Mom, $700. And maybe we will find a really good bargain."
"You have always spent too much money."
"What? Mom, I didn't hear what you said."
"Let's go dear."
Learning in Patience and Love,
K
My mom moved into my home in March this year. I cried that night because I felt so overwhelmed with desire to make life dignified and independent for her. She had been through a lot with Dad's passing the year before. I suppose I also cried because I was finally finished with 4 months of going through everything in her little mobile home. This arduous task took my every Saturday and two nights a week for those 4 months. I had to do it because I knew what was left after donations and give-aways was moving into my overcrowded small three bedroom patio home.
Her room is as cute as it could be, decorated in soft greens and new furniture and quilt set. With all her favorite decorations that mean so much to her, lovingly placed on shelves, the dressers, and the tv stand by her grandchildren, she fell asleep quickly and happily.
All was well as I reviewed the day on my pillow, until my final twilight thought before my dreadful night of sleep. I realized, it was predictor of my life now.
"Mom, are you ready to look for your bedroom furniture?"
"Why do we need new furniture. The chest of drawers in the garage is perfectly fine."
"Mom, the drawers stick. You cannot pull open the two top drawers. It doesn't match the new headboard."
"I only need the bottom two drawers. I don't think we should spend the money. I can use boxes in the closet"
"Let's set a budget. A dresser, a chest of drawers, a mirror. How about no more than $1000." I felt guilty. The truth is I didn't want her crappy old broken down furniture in my neatly decorated house, albeit overcrowded.
"A $1000 dollars!! That's a down payment on a nice house!"
"No its not - at least not any more. Mom--- I want you to have something new and pretty, and easy to use and something you can be proud of."
"$400."
"$700."
Silence
"Mom, $700. And maybe we will find a really good bargain."
"You have always spent too much money."
"What? Mom, I didn't hear what you said."
"Let's go dear."
Learning in Patience and Love,
K
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